Reflections
by flashgemini
Summary: This is the 3rd part of the Awakening, reflections of the characters, thoughts on relationships
1. Alucard

*This story is another in the "Awakening" saga. There isn't much here, but I'm gonna try and touch the relationship that existed between Integra and Alucard, and in turn Valerie and Alucard. *  
  
I remember her, a younger, more fragile Integra. It was her 15th birthday, and yet there was no one there to help her celebrate. Walter was in the kitchen preparing a cake and he had her at the piano practicing. I should have left her, but no; it wasn't possible to leave her. I was listening to the lilting melody as it floated through the corridors, it was fine most of the time, but there was always on place that she messed it up in. It was her father's favorite; he would play it during the war. I knew that song like the symbols on my gloves. After the third or fourth time of missed keys I went to her, and watched.  
  
"It's getting worse master."  
  
"Go away, Alucard. I'm not in the mood for your nonsense tonight."  
  
I watched her, missing the keys again, and in her desperation her head hit the piano making an echoing boom of the deeper keys. I laughed at her, but stopped when it hit me that she was crying into that old piano. I went to her, placing my hand on her neck. She jumped a little, but seemed to take to it.  
  
"P-Please don't."  
  
"Don't what? Touch you; are you afraid I'll bite?"  
  
"..I can't do it. I can't do this like my father. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm supposed to kill vampires and yet I keep one as a pet."  
  
"Yes, of course. All I am is the loyal dog to the family, call me and watch me perform, and when there is no need, I leave. Wonderful existence it is."  
  
It took her a moment to realize that I was being sarcastic, for when she did, her head shot up and gave me the strangest look. Our eyes met for a brief moment, and then hers went back to the piano to try again, her small fingers running over the keys, touching them gently.  
  
"You hit them too hard to hear their music."  
  
"What?"  
  
Not knowing another way to tell her, I slipped onto the stool beside her, watched her push away from me, as if I had some awful disease that she would catch. I closed my eyes and played the song carefully, barely touching the keys, but hitting the right note each time. She watched awe- struck as I played the whole thing from memory, and it is a long song too. Sitting there, playing this, I was reminded of when her father would play it. The day he sealed me away in the basement, he played it after I was permanently bound to that wall. My thoughts were cut short as I felt the weight on my shoulders grow a bit heavier. She was leaning against me. Strange as it was, I ignored it and continued to play. Walter must have heard the whole song being played perfectly and come to congratulate her, because he came up clapping, then saw that it was me playing it with her against me. He stopped and she sat up and straightened out her dress.  
  
"Thank you for showing me, now...please leave."  
  
"As you wish."  
  
Standing, I patted her head and left her, leaving the same way I had come. She watched me slide through the wall and I heard her trying to explain the situation to Walter, but faltering in her choice of words.  
  
"He was merely showing me what it was supposed to sound like."  
  
"One of these days, he may show you more than you want little one. Now come down to the kitchen with me for a moment."  
  
Birthdays were never my thing, and after a few years, she began to resent them. Sadly, the day she died was her birthday, I've never known anyone to die on the day that they were born. I miss her, but these days it's almost like she has been brought back. Her sister as been through hell because of me, but then again, it is to be expected. As it is, I'm the loyal dog for the Hellsing family.  
  
She's playing the song badly, but it seems that she has heard it, and knows how it goes. Maybe it's time to teach her as I taught her sister. She's worse than Integra, much worse. Standing behind her, I wonder if she knows I'm there. The same movements as before, touching her neck, though the history with this one is a little different than the first one. She pushes against my hand, and I slide my hands over hers. She's nervous, but she allows me to guide her hands to the right keys, I have to kneel there to do this, she's so small compared to myself. Her hair is up, her neck is bare, and though it does me no good to bleed her, it would be nice not to be turned down.  
  
I'm guiding her hands, but my eyes aren't anywhere close to the keys, or her neck. It's my turn to lean; my head is against her back, my hands over hers. She stops and turns to me, though her turning surprises me, and I stumble backwards. She's so close in image to her sister that it isn't even funny, though the difference in mind is just as startling. She's touching me; her hands are soft against my head.  
  
"Alucard, you messed up, we shouldn't...this should stay professional."  
  
"You disappoint me, master."  
  
"Lord, stop calling me that. Valerie is fine."  
  
"Then we are not professional, my dear."  
  
"I'm not your dear."  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
I'm testing my boundaries, I've done it before but the reception was a bit different. I grabbed her, hands on her waist and pulled her off that stool and onto my lap. She fights, but not enough to get any result. She knows I can't hurt her, but I can play with her. She seems content, but I doubt she'll let me know that. 


	2. Integra

* This is an excerpt from Integra's journal, or rather a few dealing with Alucard. Um.I don't know when Integra was born, but as I mentioned as Alucard, she died on the day she was born, and I'm going to say that it was in January, but I don't know.if you do, tell me. *  
  
Journal Entry:  
  
December 25, 1999  
  
God I hate him. Alucard was really testing his bounds with his little 'Christmas gift.' To think that he would even try to kiss me, I think he's lost his mind. Though I seriously doubt he ever had one to begin with. He's testing my control over him, I know he is, but he can piss me off so well when he wants to. His touch was comfortable, but.oh what am I doing? I can't give into a creature like him, I'm supposed to kill them not fall in love with them!  
  
Journal Entry: December 31, 1999  
  
Is it '99 anymore? It's 3:00 in the morning I guess it isn't, oh well. It doesn't matter; the date is not of importance, though that damned vampire is. He's becoming a little weirder than normal, oh wait. *answers the phone, talks and slams the receiver down. * Damn. Iscariot is carrying on again, must call Alucard to fix them. ... *Screams*  
  
Journal Entry:  
  
I don't know the date; I don't care about it either. Walter is in the basement cleaning up Alucard, he's forcing me to stay in bed. Says my neck is bleeding and I should remain still till the doctor can come. Why does he need cleaning? His body heals itself. *holds her head * unlike mine. I can't remember the exact occurrences of a few nights ago.it seems like there was.the phone call! Someone called and said that a church was killing people, an insane priest, I went to send for Alucard and I was grabbed. Maxwell had me when I awoke, tight grip for such a small man. Of course, Alucard and Walter came to save the day, if Anderson hadn't caused so much trouble none of us would have been in this mess. Alucard's aim was off, my neck was cut and I distinctly remember Walter carrying a large black dog out of the church, all 6 of its eyes were closed and it was bleeding from a gun shot from the heart. Oh Walter's back.God there's blood all over him.  
  
He's left me now. Says the blood was Alucard's. That bullet was merely an inch away from his heart; the silver was ripping through him. He made a joke, my old butler did. Something about if it wasn't the silver bullet that killed Alucard it would have been him, says that he attacked him in the middle of trying to take it out. I say all the power to him. oh, my head hurts. I'm in desperate need of sleep.  
  
Journal Entry:  
  
Still don't know the date and I still don't really care. It's snowing. Alucard just came in, looks as though he's been in the shower.God.now there's a frightening thought. Alucard in the shower.. never mind. Not going to go there. I feel sick, my neck is black and blue and lord if he doesn't stop touching me I'll bite him. No.. not Alucard. He'd like that too much. The doctor. *Sighs * It seems there is a reason I keep Alucard around, makes a good distraction. He just through the guy out the door, sure, he's poking me now, but it's better I think. Oh boy. I must be sick if I think Alucard is better than human company. *She is sick and he pulls her up to keep her from choking * H-helpful as he is.he knows I will never give into him.  
  
Journal Entry:  
  
Lying in bed it seems the world has grown old. I have tried to move my body, to act as a leader should, but I cannot. Walter, God I miss him, he would have known how to help me. Alucard still acts like a child; sometimes I wish he would just grow up. He's beside me now, but the morning has forced him to sleep. I need rest myself..  
  
She's died. When I woke up I found her dead. My master, the one I served despite her ignorance has left finally. I wonder now why she never took my hand when I offered it. She knew she would die, as all humans do. There are no more of the Hellsing members to serve and yet I remain bound to this accursed house. I will miss her, as I retire to the darkness to wait. 


	3. Valerie

I feel dirty as if what I have done is an evil thing. Alucard, oh how we have ruined a good relationship. Whether is was his turn on us all, or my reckless behavior with him, I know not. I feel like I love him, but that isn't right. I'm supposed to kill his kind, and yet I've fallen in love with one. Someone explain the logic in this please.  
  
He was not beside me when I awoke, but his coat was, as if he left it there as a symbol of some sort. It was probably a mistake, I pray that a mistake was all it was, and I can't ask him until tonight, if I ask him at all. How do you ask something like him if what you have done was the right response to all the stress I'm under? For all I know, he's using me as a memory of my sister; he loved her, not me. Even now, I'm curled around the coat, my head on the pillow where he lay beside me, wondering if it were love or just hormones. Does he even have hormones? He's been dead for over 500 years, though he seems to have some sort of male attribute. I don't know I think I'm just confused.  
  
I know that I could go down into that basement that he calls a home and find him in the chair that I first found him in, whether asleep or just thinking I don't know. It hasn't been long since I found him in there, waiting for someone to find him. We were fine until the priest, Anderson appeared trying to exact revenge on him. It worked, but so many things spawned from that chance meeting. The girl of Alucard's, Seras Victoria, she came and trained our men, then watched them be killed by her 'master.' How is he her master? What did he do to her that issued that kind of label? Another thing I refuse to ask of him, lest he believe I'm jealous of a vampire. She's left again, thank goodness. She was forced to help me reseal him, and that drove her away. The men, what was left of them are gone as well. The Hellsing Organization is no more than an old house. The vampires of England, what vampires of England? The only one that I have seen and conversed with was Alucard, and that girl Seras. Now I suppose I'm no better than them, though he says I'm not a vampire, but merely immortal. He should have let me die, it was his selfish pride that saved me, for if I died then there would be no more, the house would be torn down and he would be killed by Parliament. I hate him.  
  
No, I don't hate him, but I don't love him either. What do I do with him? It's not like I can kill him, or him me. We're stuck, and I'm beginning to miss my other life, not that there was much there, an old cabin in the mountains, forests where I could hide, snow in Vermont. I miss it. I nearly wish I could leave here, leave him alone here and return to that life, the cabin is still there, I still own it. My ex-husband was forced to move out after the arrangements were made, the thought of going back to America is a nice one, but out of the question. There is too much riding on this house, and until I write the history of the Hellsing family, as I promised my boss/editor, Abraham, I cannot leave. I have started it, but there is too much I have to leave out, no one will believe that there are vampires and that they are real. I sent a letter to my editor, telling him of the things that cannot be included; there has been no response from him. Abraham doesn't trust me, or Alucard, for that matter. He thinks I have become a socialite in England and that the writings that I had contributed to the American people mean nothing to me. The history of this house, this family, it might as well be fiction for all the belief I'll get out of it. A good way to do it, but not a very profitable one. He doesn't understand that I'm an author, I'll be writing, thinking I'm getting some where and then he starts with the rubbing on my neck with his hands, his touch intoxicates me and I have to stop, to pay attention to him. I do love him, I know I do, but taking him anywhere but through the castle is an odd thought. I'd like to go back to America, see if he would come with me. But then I'd have to get a night flight and find a place for him in that bright cabin in Vermont where he can hide. It's worth a shot I guess, but I know he won't take it. 


	4. A new addition

Valerie has taken to me as her sister did, the master to servant relationship is in full swing though there are times when the line between the two is somewhat blurred. Who is the servant and who is the master remains to be seen. We treat one another in contempt; these nights reflect the ones of Integra and I. The taunting is ever present, as is the demanding of total control that she will not get. She seems disgusted with my presence, not that I mind especially, I've grown fond of that attitude.  
  
Seras has left me again, the soldiers have been trained and she is reluctant to hang around longer than she is needed. She mentioned the strip joint downtown when I confronted her, and came right out with it that she's with the manager. Imagine the shock of that one. I saved her, she lives an eternal life so she can waitress at a strip club for vampires and screw the manager. It's her life; she's no longer my responsibility. I do miss having her around, I'm getting old, I need another that can deal with this family when I decide to go into hiding permanently and that may be sooner than expected.  
  
It seems I've found a new one, Anne. I should have left her, but there was something about her that peaked my interest that night. I was walking, which is odd for me anyway, but it was a lovely night. The full moon was casting my shadow long on the streets of London when I heard them. Gunshots, three and a scream, silence followed. No one around me had heard it, it was further away and the human ear can comprehend. Hoping for a fight I followed it, a slow gate to the source. A tall mortal man was pocketing a purse and his gun as he walked away from the alley. Nearly hidden in the back alley was a very small girl, maybe 16, she was crumpled on the ground, her chest bleeding, her eyes were saddened, frightened. I walked towards her, stopping and staring down at her. She was terrified, the gunshot was straight through her lungs and death would be coming for her. Kneeling, I touched her, tracing her veins. She was frozen under me, her eyes rapidly running over me, trying to determine friend or foe. She stopped as her body spasmed as I slid my arm under her head and the other over her waist.  
  
"Kill me, kill me now!"  
  
"I know you don't want to die tonight little one, I have an offer for you."  
  
She watched me, my eyes under the orange lenses, as she reached with her other hand and removed them. I was a bit surprised that she would do such a thing, especially in the state she was in, but I allowed her to do it, as my own hand lay on hers over the wound in her chest.  
  
"Death is coming to you, choose quickly."  
  
There were no words, but she touched me again, a small hand trailing down my face as she nodded a yes and passed out in my arms. I drained her; she was young, and still a virgin in all accounts. That doesn't mean what you think it means, trust me, but you can tell with the blood of a virgin and of one that isn't. She was mine, permanently, or until I decided to release her, probably not in the near future. I carried her, wrapped in my coat, back to the mansion, stopping at the steps to remark on the anger on my master's face as she glared at the bundle in my arms. I stared at the moon briefly as Anne moved in my arms, one hand clinging to my shirt tightly. I was smirking as I looked down at her; it faded into a smile as we climbed the stairs. Defiance is fun in the face of the one that hates you.  
  
"It was a lovely night tonight, wasn't it?" 


End file.
